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her afternoons gambling, and run her husband into debt by
irresponsibility, waste, and extravagance.
But all alcoholics who have drunk themselves out of
52 S T E P F O U R
jobs, family, and friends will need to cross-examine them-
selves ruthlessly to determine how their own personality
defects have thus demolished their security.
The most common symptoms of emotional insecurity
are worry, anger, self-pity, and depression. These stem from
causes which sometimes seem to be within us, and at other
t times to come from without. To take inventory in this re-
spect we ought to consider carefully all personal
relationships which bring continuous or recurring trouble. It
should be remembered that this kind of insecurity may arise
in any area where instincts are threatened. Questioning di-
rected to this end might run like this: Looking at both past
and present, what sex situations have caused me anxiety,
bitterness, frustration, or depression? Appraising each situa-
tion fairly, can I see where I have been at fault? Did these
perplexities beset me because of selfishness or unreason-
able demands? Or, if my disturbance was seemingly caused
by the behavior of others, why do I lack the ability to accept
conditions I cannot change? These are the sort of funda-
mental inquiries that can disclose the source of my
discomfort and indicate whether I may be able to alter my
own conduct and so adjust myself serenely to self-disci-
pline.
Suppose that financial insecurity constantly arouses
these same feelings. I can ask myself to what extent have
my own mistakes fed my gnawing anxieties. And if the ac-
tions of others are part of the cause, what can I do about
that? If I am unable to change the present state of affairs,
am I willing to take the measures necessary to shape my
life to conditions as they are? Questions like these, more of
S T E P F O U R 53
which will come to mind easily in each individual case, will
help turn up the root causes.
But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends,
and society at large that many of us have suffered the most.
We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them.
The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inabil-
ity to form a true partnership with another human being.
Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist
upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon
them far too much. If we lean too heavily on people, they
will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and can-
not possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our
insecurity grows and festers. When we habitually try to ma-
nipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and
resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of
persecution, and a desire to retaliate. As we redouble our ef-
forts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes
acute and constant. We have not once sought to be one in a
family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among
workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried
to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it.
This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation
with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had
small comprehension.
Some will object to many of the questions posed, be-
cause they think their own character defects have not been
so glaring. To these it can be suggested that a conscientious
examination is likely to reveal the very defects the objec-
tionable questions are concerned with. Because our surface
record hasn't looked too bad, we have frequently been
54 S T E P F O U R
abashed to find that this is so simply because we have
buried these self same defects deep down in us under thick
layers of self-justification. Whatever the defects, they have
finally ambushed us into alcoholism and misery.
Therefore, thoroughness ought to be the watchword
when taking inventory. In this connection, it is wise to write
out our questions and answers. It will be an aid to clear
thinking and honest appraisal. It will be the first tangible
evidence of our complete willingness to move forward.
Step Five
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to an-
other human being the exact nature of our
wrongs.
ALL OF A.A.'s Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our
natural desires . . . they all deflate our egos. When it comes
to ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take than Five. But
scarcely any Step is more necessary to longtime sobriety
and peace of mind than this one.
A.A. experience has taught us we cannot live alone
with our pressing problems and the character defects which
cause or aggravate them. If we have swept the searchlight
of Step Four back and forth over our careers, and it has re-
vealed in stark relief those experiences we'd rather not
remember, if we have come to know how wrong thinking
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