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nine thousand people to be a 'minor border incident.' It was an attempt to invade us, and to
permanently conquer territory. I did not conduct a formal trial for the margrave. I merely publicly
explained why I was going to kill him. The emperor is not stupid enough to attack us. I am not going
to resign and neither are you. You are doing too good a job, and anyway, you like being a king. Was
there anything else that seemed to trouble your majesty?"
"Killing the margrave was a major diplomatic blunder. He is very influential in the empire."
"Was very influential, perhaps. Now, well, in the first place, he's dead, and in the second, he has
been shown to be a damned fool. I expect that whatever political faction he controlled is already
rapidly dispersing."
"Perhaps so, Conrad, but I wish you wouldn't do things like this."
"I was only doing my job. I am responsible for the safety of the realm. When we were attacked, I
had to respond as quickly as possible, since they were killing some of our people every minute. I
admit that the battle was more destructive than it should have been. I had originally intended only to
attack their van, to slow them down, but we were trying out some new weapons and tactics, and they
proved to be remarkably effective. A single company of our troops took out their entire army without
stopping. Except for the civilians in the baggage train, of course."
The king looked astounded. "All that was done by a single company?"
"Yes, your majesty, less than three hundred men. So you see why we have nothing to fear from
the empire. That company was a newly formed unit. The Wolves. It's composed entirely of
scions of the old nobility. It is about the only strictly military organization in our army, since
those guys would never stoop to doing the kind of manual labor that everybody else in the army
does."
"I see. My vassals will be proud to learn of their sons' accomplishments. But tell me, what is
the story about this strong, if somewhat underdressed, young lady here."
"Your majesty, let me introduce Maude. She's my new bodyguard."
Maude did an amazingly graceful curtsy, such as I had never seen done by a woman before,
even by one wearing a great flowing gown. It made me want to see her dance.
Lord Conrad said, "Maude is not the underaged swinish slut that you almost called her. But
she is not an ordinary human being, either. In fact, she has a lot in common with Anna's children,
that you and your men have been riding for years. She was sent to me by my cousin when he
heard about that attempted assassination."
"I hope that she's as good at guarding you as she is at carrying around furniture. You're going to
need her services, especially after this last foolish stunt of yours. If the Germans can't get rid of
you by ordinary military means, you know they will try all of the other possibilities. Do you have
a food taster? You should, you know."
"When I'm in the field, I eat from the same pots that my men do, and I never stand first in line.
At home, what meals I don't eat in the cafeterias are cooked for me by the ladies of my own
household, and they're always tasting things while they're cooking. So far, there hasn't been a
problem, Henryk."
"I shall pray to God that it stays that way. For your part, you might want to put on a few good
food inspectors. The people who hate us aren't above poisoning a few thousand people if it
means killing you with them. The Big People have a remarkable sense of smell, you know. It might be
worthwhile having one of them sniff over all the foodstuffs coming in, as well as all that is set on your
table. It's what I do."
"An excellent suggestion, Henryk. I'll act on it. Better still, Maude, what is your sense of smell
like? Is it as good as that of the Big People?"
"Yes, your grace."
"Can you tell if food has been poisoned?"
"Yes. All ordinary poisons. The only really dangerous poisons commonly known in Europe come
from certain mushrooms."
"Interesting. Thank you. From now on, part of your job will be to smell my food, any food that is
put on the table, for that matter, before I eat it. And when we get back, tell the accountants to raise your
pay to eight pence a day."
"Yes."
"Conrad, are we going to be seeing thousands of these attractive creatures growing up around your
estates?" Henryk asked.
"I really don't know. I haven't thought it out yet, but I think perhaps not. It doesn't feel right,
somehow, but I'm not quite sure why."
"Let me know when you decide. Remember that my father was killed by one of his own guards. I
think that I'd rather like to have a few like her guarding my back, if she's as honest as a Big Person
and as trustworthy."
"I'm sure she is, Henryk, but still, I hesitate. I think perhaps that her sort are actually better people
than we humans are. What is our moral position if we are giving orders to our moral superiors?"
"What, indeed?"
"The problem isn't as obvious with the Big People, because they look like horses, and you
constantly have to remind yourself that they're not animals. Maude looks like a woman, and I can't
help thinking about her as though she was a human woman. For example, I knew intellectually
that she was far tougher than I was, and thus was actually much safer, but I was nonetheless as
nervous as a mouse during the battle, thinking about her being in danger, right behind me.
"Should there be more like her? If there were, should we be giving them orders? Would we be
giving them orders? Or might they decide that we humans are so degenerate that they should take
charge for our own good?"
"I see what is bothering you, and I'm glad that I don't have to make the decision. Ponder long
before you do anything, Conrad. Concerning more pressing matters, what am I to do when the
emperor complains about this last little affair of yours?"
"Simple. You tell him that it was unfortunate that one of his subordinates was so foolish as to
attack one of your subordinates, but since you are in a forgiving mood, you won't be demanding
further reparations. You may also tell him that the score on the battlefield was six thousand for you
and zero for him. And tell him that he can come and have another romp with us, whenever he's
inclined. He won't take you up on it."
"At this point, I suppose that it is the only tactic that could work. You know, when I heard that
the margrave was still hanging naked outside the town, I sent men to have him cut down. They
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